The Hilarious Misadventures of Legacy
by Mattitude
Summary: Completely random and silly slices of life starring the boys of Legacy. Featuring Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Teddy DiBiase Jr., and others! Rated T for mild-language. R&R please!
1. Before Part B

**AN: I completely blame Crystal for this. **

**Disclaimer: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!  
**

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There was shit **eeeeeverywhere**.

Boxes, bubble wrap, packing styrofoam, plastic, paper .. it looked like a UPS store had exploded in the room.

Sitting amongst the debris was Randy Orton, staring at the piece of paper he held in his hands like it held the meaning of life, chewing on his lip in concentration. On either side of him sat two of his best friends, Cody Rhodes and Teddy DiBiase Jr., who had been lured to help with the promise of beer and the threat of Afa Jr. rejoining Legacy if they didn't.

"It says attach the position spring brackets, part a lower track assembly and upper tracks parts b, c, and d to the headboard part a and foot board part b," Randy read, then stared at the pieces of wood laid out before him.

"Uh, what?" Teddy asked, blinking a few times. Randy furrowed his brow and looked at the instructions again as if they would suddenly become clear the twelfth time he read them. "Which ones the headboard and which ones the foot board?" Putting down his beer, Teddy picked up two identical pieces and compared them.

"Dude watch that beer, if anything gets on the rug Sam will flip her shit," Randy cautioned. Cody snickered as he messed with the pile of screws closest to him and Randy glared at him.

"You say somethin' Rhodes?" He asked, and Cody grinned at him, taking another sip of beer.

"Just the fact that you're the most whipped man I know, Orton," Cody retorted, winking at him. Randy couldn't exactly argue the fact, but he flipped him off anyway just because it made him feel better, then went back to the instructions.

"Part a lower track assembly .." he trailed off, picking up a rounded piece of wood. There was silence for a few minutes before Cody spoke up again.

"Hey, hey guys. Hey guys. What comes before Part B?" He asked, grinning. Randy raised an eyebrow at him.

"Uh. Part A?" Teddy asked, looking up from the house he was starting to construct with pieces of cardboard.

"PART-AY!" Cody declared, dancing as best he could from his seated position. Teddy chuckled appreciatively as Cody beamed with pride.

"I hate you," Randy declared, shaking his head and continuing to scowl at the instructions.

"Aww man, don't hate just 'cause your kid's not gonna have a crib until she's in college," Cody teased, then winced and scowled when Randy punched him in the stomach.

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**Oh come on you KNOW that's funny! Read & Review please .. more coming soon!**


	2. Stronger

**AN: Still blame Crystal.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!**

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Randy Orton was in the backseat of his black H2, arms crossed over his chest and sunglasses covering his eyes as he attempted to catch up on some much needed sleep. Which was proving to be impossible because from the front seat, Teddy and Cody would not shut-the-fuck-up. They had been arguing since Dayton and it was getting really old, really quick.

"Ladies, you're both pretty, now would you shut your mouths so I can go to sleep?" Randy practically growled.

"Sorry," Teddy apologized from the drivers seat, looking at Randy in the rear view mirror. "Apparently our friend Cody here does not understand the driving rules."

"Whatever, you made that rule up," Cody said from the passenger seat, pouting.

"Did not, everyone knows its the first rule of road trips. Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole," Teddy repeated. "They even say it on Supernatural."

"Hey Teddy, know how I know you're gay? You quote Supernatural," Randy announced from the backseat, and Cody laughed and turned to give him a high-five.

"Hey, whose side are you on?" Teddy asked, pretending to be hurt.

"Whichever side is gonna let me get some damn sleep!" Randy shifted a bit in the seat and leaned back against the headrest, closing his eyes again.

He was just starting to drift off before the volume in the front rose again.

"Oh HELL no, Cody, no!" Teddy was saying. Randy opened one eye to see Cody turning the volume knob, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.

_Yoooou might think that I won't make it on my ooooown .._

It took a few seconds for Randy to recognize the song, and a few more to realize what would happen next. As the chorus hit, Cody opened his mouth.

"BUT NOW I'M STROOOONGER THAN YESTERDAAAY!" He belted, clapping his hands in Teddy's face in time with the beat.

"NOW IT'S NOOOTHIN BUT MY WAAAAAAAAAY, MY LONELINESS AIN'T KILLING ME NO MOOOOOOORE, I, I'M STROOONGER!"

"You wait til we get out of the car Cody, so help me .." Teddy announced, gripping the steering wheel with one hand as he attempted to punch Cody with the other. Cody managed to wriggle away, continuing with his impromptu concert.

"YOU MIGHT THINK THAT I CAN'T TAKE IT BUT YOU'RE WROOOONG, CAUSE NOW I'M STROOOONGER THAN YESTERDAAAAAY!"

Randy slammed his head repeatedly against the window, hoping to knock himself unconcious before Cody got to the next verse.

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**Except if Cody was singing it, it'd sound more like "Thtrooonger than yethterdaaaay."**

**Oooooh. Ok don't hate, I really do love Cody and his lisp.**

**Read & Review, More coming!  
**


	3. Priceless Performance

**AN: You know who to blame. It's okay, she even blames herself.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!**

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"It's not happening," Teddy DiBiase said matter-of-factly.

"Aww come on, a deal's a deal!"

"No."

Randy Orton walked further into the hotel room through the adjoining door, intrigued by the argument he'd entered in on between Cody and Teddy.

"Don't be such a pussy," Cody declared, and Randy grinned. This should be good.

"Watch it Rhodes," Teddy warned, pointing a finger in his direction.

"Children." Randy cleared his throat, immediately putting an end to the bickering. "What seems to be the problem?"

"He lost a bet, and now he's trying to back out!" Cody tattled.

"Why Theodore," Randy shook his head, clearly enjoying himself. "Say it isn't so."

"Whatever, it was a stupid bet," Teddy pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. Randy half expected him to stick his tongue out in retort. He planted himself in a chair, fighting back a smile, as he folded his hands on his lap.

"Do tell."

"I bet him that I could walk through the lobby unrecognized," Cody explained. "And I did." He sounded entirely too proud of himself for this.

"You cheated!"

"Don't hate on my stealth abilities Teddy! I'm like a Ninja!" He did a makeshift karate pose to emphasize his point, and Randy shook his head .. it really was like dealing with preschoolers sometimes.

"So now you have to pay up!"

"You bet money DiBiase? Jackass," Randy snickered.

"Oh no .. it's much better than money," Cody grinned. Randy sat forward, his eyebrows raised expectantly, and Teddy groaned. There was no way he was getting out of this now.

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"Excuse me a minute ladies." Randy separated himself from the fans around him and surveyed the hotel lobby .. it was full to near capacity with fans and wrestlers alike. Perfect. He cleared his throat loudly and called for everyone's attention.

From the other side of the lobby Teddy tried to make a quick exit, but Cody and Cena grabbed him under the arms and practically carried him to Randy.

"Put me down Asshat!" He glared at Cody. "And you!" He turned his attention to Cena. "You don't even know what this is about!"

Cena grinned at him. "Nope. But I'm sure it'll be entertaining."

"On behalf of all of us in the WWE," Randy was saying as he addressed the crowd. "We'd like to say thank you for all of your continuing support. It means so much to us to be able to go out night after night and entertain all of you and to come back and see your smiling faces. And to show you how much it means, my fellow Legacy member, the one and only Teddy DiBiase Jr., would like to share something with you that we think you will find .. well .. priceless!" Randy clapped Teddy on the shoulder as he was planted in front of him, staring at the sea of faces that waited expectantly.

"Hell No." Teddy hissed.

"Do it," Randy said through his smile, placing a hand on the small of Teddy's back, dangerously close to the waistline of his track pants. "Or I show everyone right here that you go commando." Teddy gulped, feeling his neck and ears go red.

"The best thing about being a woman .." He began, his voice barely a whisper.

"WHAT? WE CAN'T HEAR YOU BACK HERE!" a voice called from the back of the lobby, and Teddy vowed that Evan Bourne was getting his ass kicked later.

"Is the prerogative to have a little fun and .." Teddy continued, his voice just a smidgen louder.

"Aww Teddy, you're gonna have to do better than that," Randy said, giving Ted's track pants a small, quick tug. Teddy yelped as he held on to his pants for dear life, singing louder.

"Oh oh oh, get totally crazy! Forget I'm a lady! Men's shirts short skirts, oh oh oh, really go wild and doin' it in style! Oh oh oh, get in the action, feel the attraction, color my hair do what I dare, oh oh oh I wanna be free yeah to feel the way I feeeeeeel," Ted was crimson red at this point, his cheeks and ears burning as he sang through gritted teeth, vowing to murder every person in the place later.

"MAN, I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!" Cena ended for him, laughing so hard he could barely get the words out. Next to him, Cody was clutching his stomach as tears of laughter rolled down his cheeks.

There was a burst of applause and cheers as the impromptu performance ended, and Teddy made sure to punch Cody hard in the gut on his way back to the room as he plotted all the various ways to torture his co-workers.

"Backstage passes to the first person who gets that on YouTube!" he heard Randy announce just before the elevator door closed.

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**Poor Teddy! But Randy should know .. payback's a bitch!**

**Thanks so much to everyone who has Reviewed & Subscribed! More coming soon!  
**


	4. Even

**AN: Blame Crystal, la la la, Blame Crystal, la la la!  
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**Disclaimer: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!**

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Randy frowned at the object in his hand, pressing the screen once again and sighing when once again, it did nothing in response. As far as he was concerned electronics were the devil, and he was pretty sure that they hated him as much as he hated them.

Teddy walked into the locker room, typing away on his Blackberry and completely ignoring Randy as per usual lately. Randy glanced at him hopefully, Teddy was great with electronics, surely he could make the stupid iPhone-Pod-whatever thing work.

Sure, Teddy hadn't been exactly friendly since the "Priceless Performance" incident, but that had been weeks ago! He couldn't still be mad about that, right?

Well, only one way to find out.

"Heeeey Teddy," Randy said in his sweetest voice, turning towards him. Teddy took his attention away from his phone long enough to glare at Randy, and flip him off.

Okay, so maybe he was still mad.

"Aww come on man, don't be like that! I need your help!" Randy whined.

Silence.

"Pleaaaase? Teddy? Sam got me this new phone and I can't figure the damn thing out to save my life, and if I don't call her soon she's going to **end** my life, and I don't even know if the things turned on!" Randy tried his best at sounding desperate.

To his surprise, a slow smile spread across Ted's face and he stood up, making his way to Randy.

"Lemme see," he said, putting a hand out. Randy gratefully handed the phone over and waited, thinking what a good guy Teddy was to help him after everything. Okay, so maybe the thing in the lobby was a _little_ harsh, but damn .. it had been FU-NNY. He chuckled at the memory of it and Teddy smiled at him again, still messing with the phone.

A few minutes later, Teddy handed the phone back.

"There you go man, just hold that button and it'll turn on," Teddy said. Randy did as instructed and grinned when the screen lit up with the apple logo.

"Cool, thanks man!" He said, looking up as Ted rushed out of the room, giggling for no apparent reason. "Ok, see ya later .. freak," Randy mumbled, looking at his phone again just in time to see his screen filled with Chinese symbols .. and a half-naked picture of Beth Phoenix.

**Teddy DiBiase was going to die.**

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"WHERE IS HE?" Randy demanded as he stormed into catering, making a bee-line for the first table.

"Who?" Cody Rhodes asked, blinking innocently.

"WHO? YOUR SOON TO BE DEAD TAG PARTNER, THAT'S WHO!" Across the table, Christian took in the scene bemusedly.

"So glad I came back .. you Legacy boys are fucking amusing," He said to no one in particular, shaking his head as he bit into his wrap.

"What'd he do?" Cody asked again, and Randy shoved his phone into Cody's face, practically hitting him in the nose with it. "DUDE! Why the hell is my girlfriend on your PHONE?"

"Because Cody, I have the hots for her," Randy said, and then smacked him on the back of the head. Cody immediately jumped up, balling his hands into fists, and just as fast Randy pushed him back down in his seat. "Sit down before you hurt yourself," He said. "DiBiase put it on there and changed it all to fucking Chinese or something!"

Cody laughed, glad it was Randy's phone and not his. The last time Teddy got his hands on Cody's phone, he programmed it to play "Sexy Boy" every 10 minutes, and it took Cody three days to figure out how to make it stop. Shawn Michaels still looked at him funny.

Christian shook his head, wiping his hands on his jeans before motioning for Randy to hand the phone over. Randy did, and Christian chuckled appreciatively at Teddy's handiwork before beginning to mess with it. A few minutes later he handed the phone back to Randy, who was relieved to see it was now in English with a plain black background.

"All fixed. Now you guys are even," Cody smiled at Randy.

"Yeah, we'll see," Randy said, exiting the room.

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A few days later Sam was backstage with Randy, hanging out in his locker room as he prepared for his match. She sighed, bored, and rummaged in his gear bag until she found his phone.

"Hey babe I'm gonna check my email," she said, tapping on the web browser. Randy nodded, focusing on lacing up his boots until a hard thwap on the top of his head got his attention.

"Ow, what the?" He looked up to see his wife standing over him, holding his phone which he assumed was what she'd just hit him with, and looking severely pissed off.

"What the hell is this?" She demanded, shoving the phone in his face. The web browser had opened and a picture of a very naked woman in a very provocative pose was displayed on the screen, along with the words"WELCOME BACK LEGENDARY LOVER" blinking underneath three giant red x's.

Even? Not even close.

"Babe, I didn't, that's not, Teddy, he, and I .." Randy stammered, standing up. Sam just threw the phone down and turned around, moving towards the door.

"THAT'S NOT EVEN THE SITE I GO TO!" Randy yelled in protest as Sam slammed the door.

**Teddy DiBiase. Was going. To Die.**

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**Hehehe. Thanks to everyone who subscribed, reviewed, and favorited!**

**Hope you enjoyed, more coming soon!  
**


	5. Thilver Tharpies

**AN: Guess who we're blaming?**

**P.S. CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! SO CUTE! I mean um, what?  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!**

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Cody Rhodes was going to change his name to Alexander, because he was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

It had started when Randy had informed he and Teddy that morning that John Cena would be riding with them to the next city, a 6 hour drive in which Cody would not be allowed to drive at all, because ONE TIME he had put a dent in Punk's car and he was apparently never allowed to live it down. Ever. Randy and Teddy took turns driving, because Cena was too busy texting Liz with wedding plans to drive.

Cena wasn't too busy, however, to tease Cody mercilessly, which he had been doing for the last 163 miles. Cody counted.

So Cody sat in the backseat, pouting, as Randy snored quietly next to him, and Teddy and Cena bopped their heads to the Tim McGraw CD that Teddy had put in when he took over driving.

Cody sighed for the 17th time in the past 30 minutes (yes, he'd counted that, too), and pressed a knee, hard, into the back of Teddy's seat, just 'cause he could.

"Knock it off," Teddy warned, glaring at him through the rear-view mirror.

"I'm boooored," Cody whined.

"Well what do you want me to do about it? I'm not your personal entertainment Cody," Teddy snapped. He had been in a surly mood ever since Randy had punched him the day before, finally catching up with him for the i-Phone incident after a few days away. Luckily after nearly knocking out one of Teddy's teeth they had called a truce .. for now anyway.

"Give me something to doooo," Cody continued whining.

"I don't know man, play your DS or something," Teddy suggested.

"Batteries dead and I forgot my charger in the hotel," Cody said sadly.

"I told you to double check before we checked out," Teddy scolded, and Cena snickered from the passenger seat.

"You two are such a couple," he laughed, and Teddy and Cody punched him in the arm at the same time. He ignored Ted's punch and punched Cody in the upper-leg, giving him a charlie horse.

"OW! Motherfu .." Cody started, but Cena raised an eyebrow at him and he shut up, sitting back in his seat and rubbing his sore thigh, pouting even more. Now he was bored AND in pain. Cena was such a dick sometimes. He scowled at the back of Cena's head, imagining various scenarios involving Cena getting eaten alive by vultures, or tigers, or rabid-fangirls. Yeah, rabid-fangirls was the best one.

"Hey will you wake Randy up? It's his turn to drive," Teddy said a few minutes later, pulling into a gas station, and Cody begrudgingly shook Randy's arm until he woke up. They switched seats, and Cody pouted even more when he was informed that apparently he was also not allowed to ride shotgun on this trip, as if he would somehow crash the car from the passenger seat.

"I need new road buddies," Cody pouted as Teddy climbed in the seat next to him.

"Oh go right ahead .. I hear the Miz is a fuckin' BLAST to ride with," Cena teased, knowing that Miz was the most annoying road trip buddy in the company. Cody scowled at him again and turned to look out the window and ignore John Dickhead Cena for the rest of the trip.

An hour later Cody woke up from the nap he hadn't realized he'd been taking and stretched his arms over his head. Randy was still driving, Dickhead Cena was still texting away from the passenger seat, and much to Cody's delight, his pissy tag partner Teddy was sound asleep next to him. He slowly and stealthily leaned over the back seat to get access to the far back of Randy's H2, starting to rummage around.

"Whatcha doin?" Cena asked, turning around.

"Shh!" Cody hissed. "I'm lookin' for something!"

"What thum-thin are you looking for?" Cena taunted, picking on Cody's lisp. Cody clenched his fists and took a deep breath, trying to keep his cool and ignore Cena. He grabbed his gear bag and dug around until he found what he'd been looking for, pulling out a silver sharpie marker and sitting back down in his seat, grinning triumphantly.

"Congratulations Rhodes, you found a thilver tharpie!" Cena grinned, clapping. "But sorry, you're not getting my autograph."

"I swear to God Cena .." Cody started.

"Cody," Randy warned, raising an eyebrow at him from the rear-view, and Cody groaned in frustration. He knew if he hit Cena, him **and** Randy would get him back as soon as they stopped the car. He decided it was safer for him, and his face, to take his frustration out in other ways.

Like .. Teddy's face.

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Teddy DiBiase Jr. was starting to get a little ticked off. Normally all the fans that he met were wonderful, and he enjoyed stopping to take pictures with them and sign autographs. But today, they were being real dicks, snickering as they looked at him, and some even downright laughing. They had been so rude that he had gone into the arena before anyone else.

He shook it off as he entered the dressing room, dropping his gear bag on the floor and walking towards the bathroom, flipping on the light.

And there, emblazoned in silver marker across his forehead, was the reason for the fans laughs.

He stormed out of the locker room, slamming the door behind him as he stalked down the hallway, muttering under his breath and clenching his hands into fists. He stopped when he saw one of the Bella twins in the hallway and briefly wondered which one it was, or if anyone could actually tell them apart.

"Hey, have you seen .." he began, before mystery Bella twin busted out laughing. "Yeah. Thanks for that. Have you seen Cody?" Teddy asked through clenched teeth, trying to keep his cool. The mystery Bella twin shook her head, laughing hysterically.

"No, but I'll be sure to pass on the message," she laughed, pointing at his forehead.

"I don't .. it's not .. Cody wrote it while I was sleeping .." Teddy tried to explain, but she just kept laughing. "Oh whatever. Your sister's hotter anyway," he said, storming away. Sometimes, he really hated his life.

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**Thanks so much again for all the reviews/subscriptions, more coming soon!**

**Hope you enjoyed & keep reading & reviewing!  
**


	6. The Black Beauty

**A/N: Still Crystal's fault. SHE GIVES ME THESE IDEAS WHILE I'M DRIVING PEOPLE! It's a miracle we haven't been in an accident yet!**

**And yeah, I made myself laugh with this one. :P**

**P.S. CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! ****SO CUTE! I mean um, what?****  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, ****seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!**

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Randy grabbed the back of Teddy's shirt and all but dragged him through the parking lot.

"Come ON DiBiase," he growled as Cody hurried alongside them, giggling.

"I JUST WANT TO STATE FOR THE RECORD I AM STRONGLY AGAINST THIS!" Teddy yelled.

"We know. You stated it for the record at least 30 times on the way here," Cody laughed as he opened the door, the bells hanging overhead jingling merrily. The three of them stepped into the brightly lit store. Two of them, Cody and Randy, looked around appreciatively, while Teddy made a type of squeaking sound and immediately clapped his hands over his eyes.

"Jesus Teddy," Randy shook his head. "It's just porn."

"IT IS AGAINST MY MORALS AND VALUES AND I DON'T APPRECIATE .." Cody clamped a hand over his mouth as Randy smacked him in the back of the head simultaneously. "OW! Jeez you guys didn't have to hit me!"

"Well maybe if you stopped screaming about your fucking morals, we wouldn't have to," Randy said. "Now let's go, we only have an hour 'til John's bachelor party and we haven't gotten him shit."

Randy and Cody started a lap around the "adult superstore", looking for just the right gag-gift to give John Cena, while Teddy followed behind, his hand still covering his eyes, causing him to bump into everything. It didn't help that Cody kept taking random sex toys off the shelves and poking Ted in the ribs with them, just 'cause he could.

"Don't know why I couldn't just wait in the car .. ow! Shit! That better not have been a vibrator!" Teddy declared. Cody giggled more, and Randy grabbed the wrist of the hand Teddy was using to cover his eyes, yanking it down sharply. Teddy kept his eyes squeezed shut.

"Listen to me DiBiase. Quit being such a fucking pansy. They're just sex toys. SEX. TOYS. They are not going to jump off the shelf and rape you." Cody abandoned the giggling for straight up waves of laughter. "I thought you were married, not neutered." Randy turned his attention back to the inflatable dolls, while Cody took to poking Randy in the small of his back with something called "The Black Beauty".

"Kristen and I have a very happy and healthy sex life thank you," Teddy said proudly. "We don't need any toys." He still had his eyes squeezed shut and walked straight into a display of edible body paints, knocking them over. He opened his eyes to survey the damage.

"CODY, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" Ted heard Randy yell, before he snapped his eyes shut again.

"I NEED TO GO TO CHURCH RIGHT NOW, I'VE USED IT ALL UP!" Ted yelled in the direction he thought Randy and Cody were.

"FUCK. MY. LIFE." Randy declared, throwing his arms up in the air and heading for the door. Cody put down "The Black Beauty" and followed, making sure Randy wasn't mad at him, completely forgetting about Teddy, who was mumbling various bible verses to himself. After what he thought was an adequate amount of Hail Mary's, he noticed how quiet the store had gotten.

"Guys? ... Hello? ... Guys?"

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**Hope you enjoyed, thanks for all the reviews/subscriptions/favorites. More coming soon!**


	7. Thump!

**A/N: I would have updated this sooner, but I was holding this chapter hostage until Crystal sent me more of her story. So this time, you can ****REALLY blame her ;)**

**Also, I just have to say that you guys are ****AMAZING. Last chapter I put up had a TON of reviews within like 12 hours. LOOOOVE YOU!**

**P.S. CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! ****SO CUTE! I mean um, what?****  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, ****seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!**

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A series of loud thumps followed by a high pitched shriek woke Randy Orton out of the first good night's sleep he'd had in weeks, and he was NOT happy about it. He rubbed at his eyes wearily, leaning up on his elbows cursing and listening to the sounds coming from the adjoining room.

"Man, get off me!"

"Sorry! That's the biggest .."

"I know!"

"I've just never seen one that big before!"

Randy sat up further, his brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to interpret the conversation he was overhearing.

"OH GOD IT'S BACK!"

"Just relax, stay calm .."

"Easy for you to say, it's not looking at YOU!"

"It's not LOOKING at YOU either jackass."

"YES IT IS! It's looking at me like it wants to EAT ME!"

"Oh you are SUCH A GIRL. Scratch that, a girl wouldn't FREAK OUT over this!"

"Yeah I don't see YOU doing anything about it!"

"OH YEAH?!"

"YEAH!"

Another series of thumps and shrieks of various degrees, coupled with the unmistakable sound of bed springs, grunts, and groans had Randy on his feet, staring at the door with his head tilted like a confused puppy. The sounds continued for a few minutes, then the conversation began again, starting out muffled and quickly escalating.

"SPRAY TANNER?!? REALLY?!?!"

"It was the first thing I could find!"

"What are you gonna do, TAN IT?!"

"YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA?"

"YOU COULD TRY USING YOUR HAND .."

"OR YOU COULD SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"

"OH REALLY?"

"REALLY!"

_Thump thump thump, spring spring spring, shriek shriek, curse curse, shriek shriek, thump!_

"OH GOD THERE IT IS AGAIN!"

"Oh no, oh no, oh no .."

"MAKE IT GO AWAY!"

"YOU DO IT!"

"NO, YOU!"

"I CAN'T!"

A light bulb finally went off for Randy and he groaned as he realized what was going on in the next room. Yanking the adjoining door open, he grabbed a phone book off the dresser and slammed it down on the large roach that was skittering across the hotel room floor.

"YOU TWO!" He barked, pointing at Teddy and Cody, who stood in their boxers on one of the double beds, clutching each other for dear life with looks of pure terror on their faces. "GO. TO. BED."

They both nodded quickly and let go of the death grip they had on each other as Randy walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Hehe, you were scared of a bug," Cody laughed, hopping across to his own bed and dropping onto his butt. Teddy dropped onto his own bed, pulling the blankets up over him.

"Was not. You were the one that was scared!" He scoffed, clicking off the light.

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Not!"

"Yes you were!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

A thump against the wall sent them both cowering under their covers. There was silence for a few minutes as both the men blinked in the darkness.

"G'night Code."

"Night Teddy."

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Randy walked by a table full of Divas in catering, looking at them in confusion as they all bent their heads together, giggling.

"They were groaning and we could hear the bed squeaking and they were talking about how big it was and how they'd never seen one that big!" Melina hissed as the other Diva's giggled and looked at each other in shock. Randy cleared his throat.

"Actually, Cody and Teddy were just .." he started as all heads turned toward him. "You know what? Nevermind." Randy walked away grinning as the women continued chattering at full blast, speculating what had gone on the night before. Not getting enough sleep? Totally worth it.

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**Hehehe!  
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**Hope you enjoyed, thanks for all the reviews/subscriptions/favorites. More coming soon!**


	8. Texts From Last Night

**A/N:** Blame Helms. Just sayin' ;)

Also, some of these shamelessly stolen from TFLN. Best thing ever.

**P.S.** CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! SO CUTE! I mean um, what?

**Disclaimer**: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!

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**Jun 05 7:10 pm**

**From: Cody**

Forecast for tonight is alcohol low standards and poor decisions!

**Jun 05 7:11 pm**

**From: Randy**

You with Cody?

**Jun 05 7:12 pm**

**From: Teddy**

No, why?

**Jun 05 7:13 pm**

**From: Cody**

About to do something stupid. Youll be my call. Bring bail money.

**Jun 05 7:14 pm**

**From: Teddy**

Nevermind.

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**Jun 05 8:16 pm**

**From: Randy**

Hows it going?

**Jun 05 8:18 pm**

**From: Teddy**

Well for starters he's drinking vodka out of a bell pepper

**Jun 05 8:22 pm**

**From: Teddy**

.. and just cartwheeled into the side of the parking garage

* * *

**Jun 05 8:40 pm**

**From: Teddy**

WHERE ARE YOU?

**Jun 05 8:41 pm**

**From: Cody**

dunoe bute the feood in teh friege ise aweseome

* * *

**Jun 05 8:44 pm**

**From: John**

Why is Cody standing outside my door yelling that if I don't open it right now Maryse is going to get pregnant?

**Jun 05 8:45 pm**

**From: Randy**

The dumbfucks outside Cenas room

**Jun 05 8:49 pm**

**From: Teddy**

FUCKE YOU CODEEY ISA GOLEDEN GODDDDDD

**Jun 05 8:50 pm**

**From: Randy**

Cody give Teddy back his phone.

* * *

**Jun 05 9:54 pm**

**From: Cody**

I HVE TO TELLL YU ABOUTE MY CONFERSATIOEN WITHTE THE CLOOUDEE DRFAGON

**Jun 05 9:59 pm**

**From: Ted**

So .. Cody just introduced his face to the asphalt. They didn't get along.

* * *

**Jun 05 11:14 pm**

**From: Cody**

I THEINK IM IN TEIJAUNA

**Jun 05 11:15 pm**

**From: Teddy**

You are not in Tijuana, I just saw you an hour ago.

**Jun 05 11:17 pm**

**From: Cody**

I CUOULD BE!

* * *

**Jun 06 12:04 am**

**From: Randy**

The fuck was that voicemail?

**Jun 06 12:05 am**

**From: Teddy**

3 minutes of Cody eating poprocks. He sent it to me too and IM SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HIM. YOU OWE ME.

* * *

**Jun 06 12:29 am**

**From: Cody**

GJOING TO SPETNED MY CAB MONHY ON SHOTES ANDE JUSTE TEAKE THE ABMULTENCE BACEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111

**Jun 06 12:41 am**

**From: Teddy**

Nevermind, we're even ;)

* * *

**Jun 06 1:13 pm**

**From: Cody**

Why are there goldfish all over my bed?

**Jun 06 1:15 pm**

**From: Teddy**

You decided you wanted to name them all and keep them as pets.

**Jun 06 1:18 pm**

**From: Cody**

And the hitlist containing only McDonalds?

**Jun 06 1:21 pm**

**From: Teddy**

You tried to order a Margarita McFlurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911.

**Jun 06 1:26 pm**

**From: Cody**

... Anything ELSE i should know about?!?!

**Jun 06 1:31 pm**

**From: Teddy**

Last time I checked on you you had on a sombrero and a crown, handed me a nerf gun, and told me to protect your room from the cat.

**Jun 06 1:33 pm**

**From: Cody**

The cat? I dont have a cat.

**Jun 06 1:34 pm**

**From: Teddy**

EXACTLY.

* * *

**Jun 06 2:57 pm**

**From: Randy**

DID YOU PUT 9 LBS OF BIRDSEED ALL OVER MY CAR YOU FUCKER?

**Jun 06 3:02 pm**

**From: Cody**

No?

**Jun 06 3:06 pm**

**From: Cody**

Did you put 9 lbs of birdseed on Randy's car?

**Jun 06 3:09 pm**

**From: Teddy**

.. he weighed it?

* * *

**Oh Teddy.**

**Hope you enjoyed, thanks for all the reviews/subscriptions/favorites. More coming soon!**


	9. Big Ben Kids!

**A/N:** Still blamin' Helms. Or should I say Mrs. Rhodes ;)

You probably won't get the joke in this unless you've seen National Lampoons European Vacation. If you haven't, I'm sorry. If you have, teehee!

**P.S.** CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! SO CUTE! I mean um, what?

**Disclaimer**: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!

* * *

Teddy turned from the window to look at Randy quizzically.

"Are we lost?"

"No."

"Then how come we've passed that restaurant three times already?"

"BIG BEN KIDS!" Cody yelled from the backseat. He was ignored.

Twenty more minutes passed.

"Yeah, I think we're lost."

"We are NOT lost!" Randy barked, causing Teddy to jump from the passengers seat. He scowled for a few minutes before the scenery began looking familiar again.

"Four times," he said smugly, pointing out the window.

"BIG BEN KIDS!" Once again, Cody was ignored.

"We're not fucking lost," Randy insisted. "I know where we're going."

"So do I, in circles," Teddy mumbled.

After the sixth time of passing the restaurant, Teddy leaned forward to begin rifling through his bag.

"What are you doing?" Cody asked, leaning forward in his seat, desperately hoping for some amusement.

"Getting out my GPS," Teddy replied, pulling out the Garmin and turning it on. Randy raised an eyebrow at it .. it was no secret that he was skeptical of electronics at best, especially after the stunt Teddy pulled with his iPhone-pod-thingy.

A few minutes of satellite searching and Teddy punched in the address of the arena, waiting as the directions pulled up.

"In 1.7 miles, turn right on Kingsbury Rd," the GPS commanded, and Randy glared at it. In 1.7 miles, he purposely missed the turn.

"Dude! That was Kingsbury!" Teddy demanded, pointing behind them.

"I KNOW. WHERE. WE'RE. GOING." Randy stated, gripping the steering wheel.

"Yeah, we're GOING to be late to the show! We're GOING past the same damn restaurant for the 100th damn time!"

"BIG BEN KIDS!"

Randy picked up the GPS and threw it behind him, smacking Cody straight between the eyes with it.

"OW! MOTHERFU.."

"You had that coming," Teddy said, trying not to laugh as Cody cursed under his breath and rubbed at his head.

"Won't be so funny when I throw this shit out the window!" Cody grumbled, and Teddy leaned back to grab his GPS from the backseat before Cody could make good on his threat.

"Randy, please. We've got like 10 minutes before we HAVE to be at the arena and ready to go. Can you just listen to the GPS?" Teddy practically begged. Randy grumbled a bit but finally relented.

Teddy moved to turn the GPS on again, and frowned when the screen did nothing. He tried again, and once more after that.

"What?" Randy asked when he noticed Teddy's agitation.

"Cody's fat head broke it!"

"HEY, I DO NOT HAVE A FAT HEAD!"

"Way to go Rhodes, now we'll never find the arena."

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO THREW IT AT ME!"

"Great Cody, just great. You'd better hope someone else knows how to get to this damn place!"

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Cody protested, his arms raised in either innocence or frustration. Teddy pulled out his cellphone and called John, quickly scribbling down directions to the arena.

"Ok, he says to take a left at this light," Teddy instructed, and Randy turned the H2 left and continued down what looked like a very familiar road.

"And now it should be up here, he said it's kind of hidden behind .." Teddy stopped speaking as they approached the arena, tucked behind the same damn restaurant they had passed a thousand times earlier.

"Told ya I knew where I was going," Randy grinned triumphantly, pulling his SUV through the parking lot and past the security barriers. He cut the engine and they all climbed out of the car, turning to look at the restaurant that sat in front of the arena.

"BIG BEN .." Cody started, before Teddy and Randy both hit him.

* * *

**So .. if anyone's got any ideas for this, I'd love to hear 'em! 'Cause I'm running looooow!**

**Hope you enjoyed, thanks for all the reviews/subscriptions/favorites. More coming soon!**


	10. Kawa

**A/N:** Helms' fault. Always.

So sorry it took me forever to update this, things were a bit hectic over on my end and I've had a difficult time writing anything that's not Matt Hardy related lately for obvious reasons :P Hope it was worth the wait!

**P.S.** CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! SO CUTE! I mean um, what?

**Disclaimer**: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!

* * *

It was just his luck. Teddy had been minding his own business, signing autographs and posing for pictures in the hotel lobby, when he felt a strange tug on his jeans. He looked down to see a little girl with blonde curls and big blue eyes looking like she was going to cry at any moment, and when he crouched down to talk to her she clung to him like a spider monkey and wailed that she "no find Mama and Dayee".

Greaaat.

Upon questioning everyone in the lobby as well as everyone who worked at the front desk, no one had any idea who the kids parents were or how to contact them.

Even better.

Which was how he found himself sitting in his hotel room with a sniffling little girl named Kara, or as she said, "Kawa", who was "free and a half", watching her eat a bowl of $15 ice cream while he waited for the police to come and collect her and figure out who the heck she belonged to.

He could have just left her at the front desk, but he was pretty sure his wife would have divorced him as soon as she found THAT one out.

"HEY TEDDY, YOU SHOULDA SEEN THE ASS ON THIS GIRL CODY WAS .." Randy Orton cut off mid-sentence as he barreled through the door of their adjoining room, stopping so short Cody literally bounced off of him and was sent back through the doorway with a grunt. "What the hell?"

"Oooh you sayed a bad woooord!" Kara scolded, and Randy looked back and forth from her to Ted with a completely befuddled look on his face.

"Dude, what?," Cody demanded, trying to move around Randy to see what was going on. Randy stepped out of the way, letting Cody through.

"What the fuck?" He immediately questioned, and Kara's eyes went wide as saucers as Teddy grimaced.

"Das a BAAAAD WORD!" Kara scolded through a mouth full of ice cream. "WE NO SAY DAT."

"Hi." Randy walked over to the table where they sat and directed his attention to the toddler. "What's your name?"

"I Kawa." She pointed to her chest.

"Hi Kara, I'm Randy."

"Wandy?"

"Close enough." He smiled at her. "Do you mind if we borrow Teddy here for a second?" Before she could respond Randy grabbed Teddy by the back of the neck and dragged him a few feet away. Cody continued to keep his distance and stare at the child as if she were going to attack him at any moment.

"OW! Really, was that necessary?" Teddy asked, rubbing his neck.

"Dude. There's a kid in your room," Randy stated.

"NO WAY! You mean that's not a dog?" Teddy retorted sarcastically, which earned him a punch on the arm from Randy.

"HEY!" Kara's voice startled all three of them, Cody so much he literally jumped backwards and eeked like a girl. "WE NO HIT!" Kara was standing up on her chair, glaring at Randy as if he had just told her there were no Santa Claus.

"Sorry Kara," Randy said automatically, then turned back to Teddy.

"Why is there a kid in your room?" He asked, and Teddy sighed.

"She was lost .. I'm waiting for the police to come and get her."

"You couldn't just leave her in the lobby?" Cody questioned. For that Randy and Teddy both punched him, making sure that Kara wasn't looking first.

"Ow! Motherfu .." Big blue eyes burned into Cody. "Fudgesicles," he corrected himself, rubbing his arm and scowling.

"So how long have you been waiting?" Randy asked, moving to sit across from Kara.

"Like an hour. They're taking forever," Teddy sighed again. Cody continued to keep his distance, staring cautiously at Kara.

"Wanna ouscweam?" Kara offered, looking at Randy while vanilla ran down her chin.

"Ah .. I'll pass, thanks," Randy said.

"You wanna ouscweam?" She offered, turning to Ted.

"No, I'm good."

"You wanna ouscweam?" She batted her eyes at Cody.

"Uh. No."

"You no wanna ouscweam?"

"N .. No?"

Her bottom lip jutted out and began quivering, a look Randy knew entirely too well from his daughter.

"Cody, have some of the kids ice cream."

"Dude! No way! Why do I have to?" Randy watched Kara, her eyes beginning to well up.

"Rhodes. Eat. The. Ice. Cream." He spat each word out, his voice dangerously low.

"I DON'T WANT THE DAMN ICE CREAM!" Cody declared defiantly, hands on his hips. Kara's head whipped towards him, ignoring her ice cream. She hopped off the seat and walked over to Cody, jabbing him in the leg.

"YOU NO NICE!" She announced, frowning at him with as much of an angry look as she could muster, as Randy and Teddy struggled not to laugh. Cody tried to inch away as best he could.

"YOU MEANIE!" She continued.

"Hear that Cody? You're a meanie," Teddy laughed at his partner.

"CODY MEANIE, CODY MEANIE!" Kara began singing, dancing around the room. Teddy and Randy cracked up at the little girl as Cody looked simultaneously frightened and ticked off.

"CODY MEANIE, CODY STINKY, CODY DUMBDUMBHEAD!" She continued, holding her arms out and spinning.

"I like the song kid!" Randy encouraged, laughing.

"CODY MEANIE, CODY POOPIE, CODY .." She stopped suddenly right in front of Cody, looking alarmed.

"What? You run outta insults kid?" He demanded, glaring down at her.

Kara threw up all over Cody's shoes.

* * *

**Mwahaha. No wonder Cody doesn't care for children he's not related to :P**

**Thanks for all the reviews/favorites/subscriptions, keep reviewing & reading! More updates to come!**


	11. Teddy's Room

**A/N:** This one actually isn't Helms' fault. But we're gonna blame her anyway.

This is what happens when my Twinkie and I are left alone together, sleep 4 hours over the course of 3 days, meet every wrestler in our top 10 list except Edge, and drink way too many 5-Hour Energy shots. I'm sure it was much funnier at 4 A.M., but whatever.

**P.S.** CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! SO CUTE! I mean um, what?

**Disclaimer**: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!

* * *

So they were staying at Adam Copeland's for their Tampa show, because actually being in a house, even if it wasn't theirs, was better than another hotel. And because Teddy had refused to let them stay at his place, insisting he barely saw his wife as it was and he wasn't going to spend the extra night he got being cock-blocked by Cody who'd continuously beg him to play Mario Kart, while his wife drooled over Randy.

Randy couldn't really blame him. If he was a chick, he'd drool over him too.

After the show they'd all taken Adam out, and Cody had ended up going shot for shot with The Miz in some kind of "Who is the coolest loser" contest, which ended when the Miz puked all over Hornswoggle and Cody laughed so hard he fell backwards off his barstool and almost gave himself a concussion.

Or maybe did give himself a concussion. Hard to tell, really. But all in all, it had been a quality night.

Randy quite literally dragged Cody into Adam's house, since his legs seemed to not be working 100% correctly, and pushed him into the guest room Adam had pointed out, figuring he could either figure out how to get in bed himself or sleep on the floor.

A few minutes later, Cody came stumbling out into the living room where Adam and Randy sat.

"I can't sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep in theeeeeeeeeeere," he slurred out, bouncing from one side of the doorway to the other as he tried to figure out how his feet worked. Randy sighed.

"Why?"

"Because, Randaaaaalll," Cody began, shaking his head at him. "It is TEEEEEDDY'S room!" Randy looked at Adam in confusion, and Adam just shrugged.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, but Cody was already stumbling back down the hallway. There was a crash and Adam groaned.

"Can you make sure he's not breaking shit?" He asked. "I would, but then I'd be way too tempted to beat him with my crutch."

"Not a bad idea," Randy stated, getting up to walk down the hallway. He followed Cody's voice, who was apparently now singing, into the guest room. And froze.

The entire room was covered in Teddy Bears. They were on the dresser, on the shelves, even a sign on the door declaring "Teddy Bear Crossing".

"Teddy's room. Got it." Randy muttered to himself.

Cody was perched on the bed, surrounded by Teddy Bears, rolling back and forth among them, singing loudly.

"There were eeeeeight in the bed and Cody saaaaaid ROLL OVER! ROOOOLLL OOOOVER!" Cody rolled a bit too far and landed on the floor with a loud thud, frowning. "SO COOODY FELL OOOUT!"

"You're kidding me with this shit, right?" Randy asked, shaking his head. "Cody, get up."

"Sorry Raaaaaaaaaaaaandaaall, NO MORE ROOOOM!" Cody declared, throwing himself back onto the bed dramatically. "ONLY ME AND THE TEDDIEEEESSS!"

"Copeland, Why in the HELL do you have a room hosting a Teddy Bear Picnic?" Randy called down the hallway.

"It was the ex-wife's, I haven't gotten around to changing it over," Adam called back.

"Uh huh," Randy muttered again, turning his attention back to Cody. Who was staring at him, eyes wide. "What?"

"THATS SUUUUUUUCH A GOOD IDEA!" Cody announced, bouncing on his knees.

"Huh?"

"A TEDDY BEAR PICNIC! COME ON!" Randy actually laughed.

"We're not having a picnic you moron. Go to sleep."

Cody stuck out his bottom lip, looking like a petulant child.

"Teddy would have a Teddy bear picnic with me. THEN WE'D HAVE A TEDDY AND TEDDY BEAR PICNIIIIIC!" Cody announced, like he was the most brilliant man on earth.

"Cody. GO TO BED."

"Picniiic tiiime for Teddy Beaaaaaaaaaaaaars! Something something and catch them in their underwears ... no wait, that's not right." Cody frowned, cutting off his song.

"What the hell is he on?" Adam asked, coming up behind Randy.

"Oh please, this is nothing. I swear the kid is the biggest lightweight in the company."

"SEEE THEM PIIIICNIC ON THEIR HOOOLIDAAAY, SEE THEM DANCE ABOUT SOO GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Cody belted out, making the stuffed bears dance.

"Got that gay part right there Rhodes!" Adam declared, laughing. Cody stopped his routine and pouted at the two men in the doorway.

"Teddy wouldn't laugh at me. TEDDY WOULD SING WITH ME!!!!" He looked at the bear in his hands. "OH TEDDY, I MISS YOOOU!" He announced, clutching the bear to his chest, before beginning his song again in a loud, sad voice. "IF YOU GOOO OUT IN THE WOODS TODAAAAAAAAAAAY, YOU BETTER NOT GO ALOOONE!" He sniffled between the words. "IT'S LOVELY OUT IN THE WOODS TODAAAAAAAAAY, BUT .. SAFER .. TO STAY .. AT HOME .."

"That's it," Randy said, grabbing one of Adam's crutches from him. "If he didn't have a concussion before, he's getting one now."

* * *

**Adam named the bear Fuzzy Longbottom. Trufax.**

**Thanks for all the reviews/favorites/subscriptions, keep reviewing & reading! More updates to come!**


	12. Twilight Fever

**A/N:** The only way this can be viewed as Helms' fault is the fact that she saw New Moon with me. So let's view it like that, shall we?

**P.S.** CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! SO CUTE! I mean um, what?

**Disclaimer**: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!

* * *

When the volume grew too loud for Randy to pretend to ignore, he put down the magazine he'd been reading, folded his hands over it, and stared at the two men across from him until they stopped their no doubt inane argument and looked at him.

"I realize I am going to regret asking until my dying day, but WHAT are you two arguing about now?"

Cody ignored Teddy's glare and turned his attention to Randy. "Teddy has Twilight fever."

"I do not, I just .."

"Is that like scarlet fever?" Randy asked, his forehead wrinkling in confusion. Cody snickered and Teddy sighed. "Jungle fever?" Randy tried again. "Disco fever?"

"There is no fever," Teddy stated, rolling his eyes at his tag partner. "I simply reminded Cody that he owed me, and as payment he needed to go see the new Twilight movie with me."

"And I simply reminded Teddy that unless I magically sprout a pair of breasts and a vagina, I will not be attending said movie, ever."

"You know, that can be arranged," Teddy threatened, and Randy put up a hand before the argument could resume.

"Twilight. That's the one with the vampire guy?"

Teddy nodded.

"Isn't he covered in glitter or some gay shit?"

Cody laughed loudly and mockingly, and Ted promptly flipped him off before turning back to Randy.

"It's actually a really sweet love story that Kristen asked me to read, and I think if you guys just gave it a chance .."

"It's got werewolves in it too!" Cody interjected before Teddy could finish, and Randy smirked.

"Do the werewolves glow or is that just the gay vampires?"

"First off, they're actually shapeshifters, not werewolves," stated Teddy with growing irritation. "Secondly, the vampires are not gay, they sparkle, not glow, and it's only in the sunlight. And third, as I was TRYING to say before it's actually a really sweet love story and .."

"Hey Teddy, you know how I know you're gay? You have Twilight fever," Cody teased, and Randy punched him. "THE HELL?"

"That's for stealing my line," he explained, then turned to Teddy. "Now look, if this is something with you and Kristen why don't you go SEE it with Kristen?"

"Because she went with the other Twi-Hards," Teddy sighed, resting his chin on his hand.

"The other what?"

"The fans of the series. They're called Twi-Hards."

"You're kidding me with this, right?"

"Unfortunately not," Cody muttered. "I've been having to hear all about the damn books and movies for months. Be thankful you're riding with Santino."

"So this is like a big thing huh?" Randy asked, his interest now somewhat peaked.

"Oh yeah," Teddy nodded, sitting up now. "See there's this girl, Bella, and she's in love with this vampire, Edward, only she's human so it's an issue. And then .." Teddy continued talking animatedly, explaining the entire plot of all four books in the series, as well as the discrepencies between the first book and the first movie and the fifth book that was really a rewrite of the first book that would never see the light of day. Randy listened actively while Cody struggled not to fall asleep, and after what seemed like hours, Teddy finally finished.

"So what do you think?"

Randy sat back, crossing his arms over his chest. He chewed on his lip as he thought, then tilted his head, smiling.

"I think .. it sounds as gay as glowing vampires." He stood up, grabbing his magazine and giving a slight wave as he exited the room. From next to him, Cody was laughing so hard he had given himself the hiccups, and he continued to hiccup between each giggle.

"Oh shut up," Teddy glared, kicking the leg of Cody's chair so that it toppled to the ground with him still in it.

From the floor, Cody continued to giggle.

* * *

** If you don't have "Jungle Fever" in your head now, I'll write you a one-shot ;)**


	13. The Hairbrush Song

**A/N:** If you're not familiar with Veggie Tales or The Hairbrush Song, go look it up on YouTube or Google BEFORE you read this. No really, I'll wait.

Good? Now read. :)

**P.S.** CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! SO CUTE! I mean um, what?

**Disclaimer**: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!

* * *

"Our curtain opens as Randy, having just finished his post match shower, is searching for his hairbrush.

Having no success, Randy cries out, "Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where oh, where ... is my hairbrush?"

Having heard his cry, Shawn Michaels enters the scene.

Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Randy in a towel, Shawn regains his composure and reports "I think I saw a hairbrush back there!"

"Back there is my hairbrush. Back there is my hairbrush. Back there, back there, oh, where, back there, oh, where, oh, where, back there, back there, back there .. is my hairbrush?"

Having heard his joyous proclamation, Cody enters the scene.

Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Randy in a towel, Cody regains his composure and comments "Why do you need a hairbrush? You don't have any hair!"

Randy is taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. No hair? What would this mean? What will become of him? What will become of his hairbrush?

Randy wonders .. "No hair for my hairbrush. No hair for my hairbrush. No hair, no hair, no where, no hair, no hair, no hair, no where back there, no hair .. for my hairbrush."

Having heard his wonderings, Teddy enters the scene.

Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Randy in a towel, Teddy regains his composure and confesses, "Randy, that old hairbrush of yours .. well, you never use it, you don't really need it. So, well, I'm sorry .. I didn't know. But I gave it to the Miz - 'cause he's got hair!"

Feeling a deep sense of loss, Randy stumbles back and laments .. "Not fair! Oh, my hairbrush. Not fair! My poor hairbrush. Not fair, not fair, no hair, not fair, no where, no hair, not fair, not fair, not fair! My little hairbrush!"

Having heard his lament, the Miz enters the scene.

Himself in a towel, both Randy and the Miz are shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of each other. But recognizing Randy's generosity, the Miz is thankful.

"Thanks for the hairbrush."

Yes, good has been done here. The Miz exits the scene. Randy smiles, but, still feeling an emotional attachment for the hairbrush, calls out.

"Take care of my hairbrush. Take care, oh my hairbrush. Take care, take care, don't dare not care. Take care. Nice hair. No fair. Take care, take care .. of my hairbrush."

The end."

Randy looked back and forth at Cody and Teddy.

"What?"

"You guys are never allowed to watch Allana again." He stood up and walked away, shaking his head, as the two shrugged at each other.

* * *

**Oh man, the thought of Cody as Junior Asparagus makes me laugh 'til I cry.**


	14. Got Any Grapes?

**A/N:** Originally the joke was "a duck walks into a bar." You can see then why I chose Cody, because Cody = Duck.

Just ask Helms.

**P.S.** CHECK OUT THE STORY BANNER ON MY PROFILE! SO CUTE! I mean um, what?

**Disclaimer**: I don't even like Legacy, never mind own them. No, seriously. What? Stop looking at me like that!

* * *

Cody walked into the hotel gym where Randy and Cody jogged side by side on treadmills. He grinned at Teddy before standing in front of Randy's treadmill, tilting his head quizically.

"Hey Randy .. got any grapes?"

"What?"

"Got any grapes?"

"Why the fuck would I have grapes Rhodes?"

Cody shrugged and waved a goodbye to Teddy before exiting the gym.

"The Hell was that?" Randy asked, and Teddy shrugged.

"It's Cody, do you really need an explanation?"

* * *

Randy adjusted his sunglasses and grabbed his cigarettes, getting ready to go outside and smoke before he had to start getting ready for his match. He rounded the corner and almost ran directly into Cody.

"There you are, I was looking for you!" Cody greeted Randy brightly.

"What's up?" Randy said, thumping his cigarette pack against his leg.

"Got any grapes?"

Randy took a deep breath to even his temper.

"Why do you keep ASKING me that?"

"Do you? Got any grapes?"

"What the fuck ever Cody, I don't have time for your shit." Randy stormed out of the arena.

* * *

Randy walked up to the hotel bar, motioning to get the bartenders attention and get some drinks started. Teddy pulled up a seat next to him, and they were both silent until their beers arrived. Randy took a long swig and set his bottle down.

"Something is up with Cody, and I'm about to kill him if he doesn't knock it off."

Teddy just shrugged, taking a sip of his beer.

"It's Cody, he's out there sometimes."

"Mmm."

As if on cue Cody walked up behind them, slapping Teddy heartily on the back in greeting.

"Hey Teddy, hey Randy."

"Hey," they chorused back, taking long drags of their beers.

"Hey Randy, got any grapes?"

Randy slammed his beer bottle down on the bar with a loud thud and started to stand up, his hands balling into fists. Teddy stood up and stepped in between them, his hands against Randy's chest to calm him down. Cody continued to grin innocently at Randy.

"Motherfucker, what is your DEAL?" Randy spat out between clenched teeth. Cody shrugged.

"Got any grapes?"

"Ask me that one more time and I will shove Hunter's sledgehammer down your throat."

Teddy turned to look at Cody.

"You really need to knock that shit off, you're gonna get hurt," he warned in a serious tone. Cody simply smiled back at them and shrugged again before giving a little wave, turning around and heading out.

"Swear to God I'm going to murder him one day," Randy grumbled, sitting back down and finishing his beer in one gulp.

* * *

After a few relaxing days off, Randy stood in front of catering, whistling to himself as he surveyed his choices. He heard voices behind him and turned around to see Teddy, Cody, and Evan walking up to catering.

"Hey guys what's going on?" He greeted as they grabbed plates.

"Hey," Evan and Teddy said.

"Hey Randy, have you seen Hunter anywhere?" Cody asked.

"Not yet, no," Randy answered quickly, grabbing a bottled water.

"So you haven't seen if he's got his sledgehammer?"

Randy looked at Cody, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"No?"

"So you don't know where his sledgehammer is?"

Randy sighed, rolling his eyes.

"No idea Code."

Cody nodded, satisfied with Randy's answer. He grabbed a sandwich off the tray.

"Hey Randy?"

"Yeah?"

"Got any grapes?"

* * *

**BadumCHING.**


End file.
